This is The Foot Down’s 1000th post.
I was in a particularly dark place, a lingering depression that had been with me since day one had finally taken over and I had been popping huge amounts of a variety of different medications in an attempt to beat it. Nothing worked really.
How the fuck I got through that period of about five years or so is beyond me, it’s hard to explain but a completely uncontrollable urge to kill myself during every waking second was in a constant battle with an uncontrollable fear of death, it was hell, it’s just about the worst place to be and the last place I wanted to be for such a long period of time. Then I started cycling.
How or why a person plunges to the very depths of a depression like that is rarely explainable; the medication couldn’t stop it, psychiatrists couldn’t explain it, I couldn’t stand it, people I knew couldn’t stand me. Yet within a year of riding a bike every day a light had been switched on, I stopped taking the meds and I was generally ‘happy’.
For me cycling isn’t about bikes, or clothes, or shoes it is way more than that. For me cycling is about freedom and I know a million people say that every day and it’s a bit cheesy but when I ride over a mountain and don’t see a soul for miles I remember laying in bed for hours on end staring into space literally unable to move my body because my brain was so fried from the Mirtazapine that it couldn’t control my limbs. When I ride through the city dodging potholes, switching lanes between cars and trackstanding at the lights my mind is completely clear, it’s that ‘zen’ that everyone used to go on about a few years ago.
This blog has changed a fair bit in the last 1000 posts, if it hadn’t changed then I would be worried because that would mean that I wasn’t changing either. This was a fixed gear blog when it started, it’s now a cycling blog. I will always post product, it’s an essential element of cycling but The Foot Down has always been and will always be about cycling, not bikes; because bikes don’t change lives, cycling does.
Cycling changed my life, it probably changed yours too, though probably in a different way and that is the beauty of it.
Thanks for reading, here’s to the next 1000 posts!